Friday april 16, 2010

Wow it's been a crazy last few days. My birthday didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. now i'm sitting on the couch of a family that i'm babysitting for later. I can't sleep, and don't really want to sleep. Things seem to be worse in my dreams lately. I've been having really weird and scary dreams! I don't know why or what is causing all these bad dreams. I just want to curl up in a ball and be happy. I want to crawl under a rock so that I can be happy. I'm not happy @ all.
We don't talk at all. I understand that your not used to having a girlfriend but still. things should be a little different. I don't know what else to say. I'm not to sure what I want @ all right now. I'm scared and very fragile. I don't want to get hurt or to hurt you. I just don't know if it's the right time for me to be in a relationship right now. I feel like things aren't going the way either of us wanted. I don't know what I want. I care for you deeply and I hope that you care for me like I do for you. but if you don't that's fine. I want to be with you but I can't right now. I'm sorry. *hugs* please understand that I'm not running from you I'm running b/c I"m scared. I don't want to be scared any more. and i'm tied of hurting. there's a void that i need filled and i don't know who or what can fill that void. drinking seems to fill it but I can't rely on that. and I wont!!! I vow to you now that i'm not going to do something stupid but I can't promise that right now I will be happy or wanting to talk about anything. so please just give me sometime. that's all I ask.
Please forgive me. I hope that later we can be together... Thanks for everything this last month! you are awesome! if you don't understand what's goin on in my head please tell me and i'll try to explain. but i'm going to go before I start crying even more. I don't want to do this to you but I need to. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Love ya,
Emily

Monday April 12, 2010

* 1 day!!!*
Actually less than 12 hours now and I'll be 20!!! I can't wait! I don't know what it is but this last year of my life has flown by! a lot has happened too! From Hooking up to Breaking up. Making up and Breaking up. To weddings and gaining friends as well as losing friends. From Graduating to Starting college. From almost flunking out of college to Almost finishing my 1st year of College. a lot more has happened but I think you get the point.
Things have been extremely crazy! I don't know how i could have gotten through everything with out the people in my life that have helped me out so much! My friends and family have helped me out a lot with everything! I just hope that this next year of my life doesn't end short nor does it constitute in me going completely crazy with everything! I just hope that all goes well for me in this next year!
I have to go talk to Jeff about some stuff so I'll talk to you guys later! {{{HUGS}}}

Love,
~Lola rose~

Sunday April 11, 2010

*2 DAYS!!! YAY*

I can't believe that my B-day is in 2 days! Year Number 20 Here I come...

wow... I have to try to figure out what I did in my 19th year. but it's going to be hard!

love,

~lola rose~

Friday April 9, 2010

*5 DAYS!!!!* *YAY*!!!!!

I can't wait! Only 5 days! but still don't know what the H3ll I'm doing for it yet. I have done told my mom and daddy what I want to do but they are being oblivious to it even being my birthday! I Hate this though! Things have been good today. Slept till 12:00p.m. and this is the first time I've been online all day! YAY! I'm proud of my self. B/C normally in online on Fridays from the tiem I get up till the time I go to bed. && Now that I am Playing WOW I have even more of an excuse to be on the computer!

Love,

~Lola Rose~

Thursday April 8, 2010

*5 DAYS!!!* YAY!!!

I so can't wait for tuesday to get here! I went out last night and bought me a Birthday dress from Ross. It's so cute! I will post pictures. I still don't know what I'm going to do for my B-day. Part of me wants to chill with friends and family @ Moe's the other part wants to party all week! Ya see... I don't know when Jeff has off but Jennifer, Chris D., and Kim all have monday off. I don't know what to do. I wanna go bowling or play pool or something. But I also want to go to Johnny G's. I know lame right??? I'm 5 days shy of being 20 and I want to go to Johnny G's. But hey we don't have to grow up that quickly do we???

I am just so happy about life and everything right now! I feel restless but tired, safe but scared, happy yet sad, and lucky yet doomed all at the same time. I don't know why but things are going well but something tells me that it's not going to last too long. I guess it's just something that got said last night between me && Jeff. I don't know why I am thinking the worst of it but hey I am. I don't want to be thinking like this nor do I want to jinx anything. But I don't know what to think right now. I'm happy but scared @ the same time and I've never felt this way before!

Any way... Off that subject. So how bout after I went to Ross and found my Dres... :D *EEP* I was invited to JB's house to hang out with Jeff, Kim, && JB. Things were def. interesting. but Fun! I'm actually kinda glad that there weren't any cameras around! LOL!!! Fuzzy Bunnies! HAHAHA they make me laugh!!! Any way. I'm outty for now! Tootles!

Love,

~Lola Rose~

Wednesday April 7 2010

*6 days!!!* YAY!

I can't believe that I'll be 20 in 6 dang days! and that school will be over in less than a month! I need to start working on my summer look! (i.e. working out!) Going to start going to the gym! everyday for at least 45 mins - 1.5 hours. I need to lose some weight big time if I want to look good in a bathing suit this year I"m tired of hiding my body I want to show off some skin this summer! I am also hoping that I'll get a job soon! It's almost summer! I hate being almost 20 and not having a dang job. Babysitting is fun and entertaining but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do it and it not be a constant job.

so how bout I've decided that I want to stay on Campus next year! I can't wait. I'm just hoping that I'll be able to! I talked to my daddy and he told me that I'll be able to get a new laptop and I'll only maybe have to pay half the price! so can't wait for Tax free day this summer! So getting a new laptop and printer for the dorm. Even if I don't live on campus this next semester I'll at least have a nice Computer for school. instead of the Piece of crap that i have now! well for now I'm going to go. seeing as how it is 1:46a.m. and I've got class @ 9:30a.m. at least today is my early day! But going to the gym after class!!! YAY!

*EDIT 1:32p.m.*

Well I've only been up for a little over an hour! My mom came in my room this morning and was like your late for school. it was already 10:00 && I knew that I couldn't make it in time for class. so I just fell back to sleep. and slept till about 12:00p.m. oh well. I feel refreshed though. I know that I'll be going to the gym after class @ 4:30. I'm not looking forward to going to school though. I don't want to go. I also know that I need to get going on my studying for my classes and stuff. so yea. any way. I don't know when that'll happen @ all. but I know that it'll happen eventually. I also need to get going on my online class that I haven't done anything with in like 6 weeks. that's really sad too! any way I'm outty for now. I'll post more later! Ciao!

*END EDIT 1:35p.m.*

*2nd EDIT 5:35p.m.*
Been done with class for about an hour now. Bout to head home and go to the gym or maybe go hang out with my momma and Mona! I don't know yet. I am excited that i got 4 out of 90 bios done! YAY!!! I have to get the rest of them done! 86 left to go... WOOOOHOOOO Not!!! LOL! any way. I don't know if I'll be posting anything else today or not so this will prollie be see ya later! Love ya'll!!!
*End 2nd EDIT 5:37p.m.*

Love always,

~Lola-Rose~

Tuesday April 6, 2010

7 days Till my B-DAY!!!!! Well last night I had so much fun! Went to Jennifer and Chris' again! Got my ass handed to me in Poker and Spades. Curse you guys!!! But it was a lot of fun! I don't think I have honestly had that much fun in FOREVER! I don't know what I would do with-out my friends! Talking about things that make me a little uncomfortable isn't the best thing but hey a few of my questions got answered! I am so glad that Jennifer and I are talking again! I am happy that our friendship is being rebult! I know that things aren't ever going to be the same as they were before, but I think it'll get pretty Damn Close!

I don't really remember much after about 2:00 this mornin. B/C I was so gone it aint even funny! I was extremely tired! and some how I ended up sleeping on the floor in the spare bedroom. How the hell did that happen, and When? last thing I remember was me being in the bed. Oh well. Apparently I had a conversation with Chris when he got home from his dads' house. I don't remember that but ok. He says that I wasn't coherant at all though, so I think that's why I don't remember! any way. I'm out for now I have to get to class. WOOOOHOOOOO... NOT!

My quote of the day: "Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving away, make everyday a holiday and celebrate just living!" ~ Amanda Bradley (http://www.thinkexist.com/)

Love always,
LolaRose

*EDIT*

So how bout I went to school for all of 15-30 mins. I am a little upset that I had to travel that far for that short amount of time. but I'm also kinda glad that i did b/c I was able to work on my music a little better! Tomorrow will be another good day just like today was! I have got to get my butt in motion and start studying for my finals which will be in about a month! AHHHHHHHHH.... I can't believe that school will be over in less than a month! GAHHHHHHHH... so yea. the rest of my night will be me hitting the books and studying. I have a test on thursday and I need to get my butt together! b/c I haven't been to that class in like 2 weeks. and then spring break was before that. so yea. I'm kinda screwed when it comes to this test! Tootles!

*END EDIT*